Kamek's day out
by Crazybird101
Summary: After discovering that they've run out of milk, Kamek and the Koopalings take a journey out to the store. What could go wrong?


**Warning:**

**Heavy AU**

**Major OOCNESS**

**Possible typos/writing errors**

**Language**

**Ludwig: 19**

**Morton: 17**

**Roy: 16**

**Iggy: 15**

**Wendy: 13**

**Larry: 12**

**Lemmy: 11**

**Bowser Jr: 9**

**I do NOT own the Mario franchise, or anything else. Only the fic itself**

**Flames will be used to roast sausages**

**X.X**

It was a rather pleasant morning in the Koopa Kingdom. It is one of those rare occasions where there would be a clear blue sky above you, and not a constant overcast one.

Kamek was in a good mood after seeing that clear blue sky and was actually looking forward to the day. He entered the kitchen with a smile on his beak and found Ludwig leaning against the kitchen island in the center with a cup of coffee in his claws. Unlike him, he looked tired and his blue hair wasn't in its usual style. Instead it was a nasty case of bed hair.

"Good morning!" Kamek said cheerfully as he went over to the coffee maker to fetch himself some coffee as well.

"Meh..." Ludwig mumbled in reply before sipping his black coffee.

"Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Kamek sighed as he poured his coffee into his mug.

Ludwig groaned softly in reply. Rubbing the side of his face before running his digits through his slightly matted hair. He picked up a knife and looked at his reflection before growling at the mess his hair was in. "This hairstyle does not suit me well..."

"Just go to the bathroom when you're done and get yourself cleaned up." Kamek sighed before sipping his own coffee.

"You know what? I think I shall." Ludwig replied. Placing his coffee cup in the sink and leaving the kitchen.

Just then a yellow ball with big orange stars suddenly rolled in with a very small koopaling running after it. "Morning Kamek!" Lemmy said happily with his ball in his claws. The magikoopa nodded back in response. In a few minutes, Iggy and Morton were the next to enter the kitchen. Then Wendy. And then Larry, Roy, and Junior. Kamek's minutes of blissful silence with his morning coffee were quickly over when the kitchen erupted with chattering from the koopalings that had gathered around the island.

"I want eggs!" Larry yelled. Slamming both his fists on the island surface.

"I want waffles!" Junior whined.

"I want french toast!" Morton shouted.

"We want pancakes!" Iggy and Lemmy said in unison.

"I want cereal with strawberries in them!" Wendy demanded.

Kamek felt his good mood slowly slip away as he used his magic to help him bring out the necessary utensils and ingredients to make each of their breakfast. "Please be patient, young ones, I'm doing the best I can to get everyones breakfast made."

"Hurry up then!" Junior snapped impatiently.

Poor Kamek had to resist the urge to snap back at the little bastard, and give him and the rest of his idiot siblings a piece of his mind. At Ludwig had the decency to make his own breakfast, or at least help out with making his siblings. But unfortunately he was in the bathroom fixing his hair.

"Where's our milk? I want milk!" Lemmy complained.

"WE WANT MILK. WE WANT MILK." the koopalings proceeded to chant in unison while banging their fists all at once. Causing some of their silverware to clatter.

_You want milk? You want MILK? Oh, I'll give all of you milk you ungrateful-rotten-pieces of shit! _Kamek thought before he stomped over to the fridge. Gripping the handle tightly he swung the door open; it caused a few things inside to shake from the force. Kamek suddenly became very still, and it was as though time itself had frozen in place. He didn't even realize the koopalings had stopped their chanting as they watched him open and close the fridge door repeatedly.

"Kamek?" Larry finally spoke, "What the heck are you doing with the fridge door?"

Kamek was snapped out of his brief trance and sighed heavily. "Koopalings." he said after closing the fridge door. "We are out of milk."

A dead silence claimed the normally rambunctious koopalings while they gazed at the magikoopa with blank expressions. A full minute had past before they broke into a panic and started to scream at the top of their lungs. It took a spell from Kamek in order to shut them all up.

"Silence!" he snapped sternly. "Your father is still asleep. He cannot know about this! He was the one who told me to buy the milk, but I completely forgot about it!"

"I thought that was Ludwig's job." Lemmy said.

"It was his job to buy the juice, stupid." Roy said. Smacking the back of his head

"Hey! Leave him alone!" Iggy snapped.

"Whatcha gonna do about it, huh?" Roy snapped back in a tough guy attitude.

"ENOUGH!" Kamek screeched. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that we get some milk before your father finds out we don't have any! Which is why I'm going to have to go out and buy some in the Mushroom Kingdom. And you're all coming with me! No 'ifs', 'why's', or 'buts'."

"Awwwwwwwww!" the koopalings whined in unison.

Just then Ludwig entered the kitchen with his hair no longer in a matted mess. But he still looked tired as well. "What's with all the ruckus?" he asked. "I could hear all of you from the damn bathroom upstairs."

"We ran out of milk." Junior replied before Kamek even had chance to open his beaklike mouth.

"Now he's taking all of us out to go buy some in the Mushroom Kingdom." Wendy added.

Ludwig remained silent. A calm poker face was plastered on his face as he stared blankly at his siblings, and then Kamek. He then blinked and quickly left the kitchen. In the minutes that quickly followed they all heard what sounded like muffled screaming. Except it was distant.

After that little moment, Ludwig rejoined them and Kamek quickly herded them out of the kitchen and to the family car. A green minivan called "The Koopamobile". "Alright, Ludwig, you drive." Kamek said before handing him the keys.

"I can't." Ludwig said. Handing Kamek back the keys.

"And why not?" Kamek asked.

Ludwig opened his mouth to reply, but Larry quickly beat him to it. "Ludwig got his licence revoked for reckless driving last month." the young koopaling snickered. Only to receive a smack behind his head from his older brother. "Ow!" he complained, "That really hurt!"

"..." Kamek's eye twitched behind his glasses. "So... You're telling me... That you, of all koopalings, got your damn license revoked!?" the magikoopa was beginning to fume.

"It was during a race!" Ludwig protested. "The damn civilians were in the way!"

"You _ran over _a civilian crossing the road." Wendy said.

"The bitch was in my way." Ludwig replied. Folding his arms.

"And you injured a few of the other racers as well." Iggy chimed in.

"I was pissed off that time."

"And then you attempted to run over the guy in charge after he banned you from the race tracks for life." Morton added.

"He didn't need to ban me for life!"

"ENOUGH!" Kamek finally snapped before accepting back the keys. "If that's the case, then I'll drive."

"But you don't know how to drive." Junior said.

"I'm a fast learner." Kamek replied. "Now get in the car!"

Kamek had thought getting everyone in the car wouldn't be such a challenge. But to his dismay, Junior and Larry were fighting over who gets the front seat. It wasn't until he declared that Ludwig gets the front seat did they stop their temporary fight and sulk over to the back with their heads hung low.

"Alright. Is everyone buckled up?" Kamek asked after putting on his seat belt.

"Yes." the koopalings replied in unison.

"Good." Kamek nodded in approval before turning to the front. "Alright. Let's...um..." The keys in his hand started to shake as he stared at the driving gear before him. He had never ridden in a car. He's piloted airships before, but they weren't as complicated as this. To him, that is. _Alright, Kamek. There's no need to panic. It'll be like riding a broomstick. Only far more advanced..._

"Kamek." Ludwig finally sighed. "Put the _key _into the _ignition slot_."

"Oh. Right." Kamek did as he was told and the car engine came to life. "Um... So what now?"

"Did you adjust the car mirror?"

"Oh. Right." Kamek rolled down the window and quickly adjusted the mirror.

"You're supposed to adjust it _before _you start the car."

"Well you never told me!"

"Commonsense, Kamek!"

"Can we just get on with it already!?" Lemmy whined as he clutched his ball tightly. "I'm hungry!"

"SHUT UP!" Kamek and Ludwig snapped in unison.

"So now what?" the magikoopa then asked.

"Thrust the shift lever into "drive"." Ludwig replied. Scowling when he heard Roy snicker in the back.

"What's the shift lever?" Kamek asked.

"The fucking joystick that's between us!" the older koopaling snapped. Nearing his breaking point.

"Ah. Right." Kamek said before shifting the lever into "drive".

"Now place your foot on the gas pedal."

"Um... And how exactly am I supposed to do that?" Kamek frowned as his feet dangled over the edge of his seat.

"Adjust the seat." Ludwig sighed.

"And how- oh. Never mind." Kamek said after finding the thing that helped adjust the seat. "Ah. Much better." he said after adjusting it. "Now...which one is the gas pedal petal?"

Ludwig sighed and pointed a clawed digit over to it.

"Oh! Ok then." Kamek said before placing his foot on the pedal. He then adjusted his glasses on his face and gripped the driver's wheel tightly. He took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. "I got this." he whispered to himself.

"... We're all gonna die." Roy said bluntly.

Kamek pressed down on the gas petal, and the car immediately zoomed forward before coming to a sudden halt in the middle of the road. Jerking everyone inside forward.

"Kamek Koopa!" Wendy scolded.

"Sorry." Kamek apologized before pressing down on the gas petal once more. Roughly turning the steering wheel until they were speeding down the road. Unfortunately for them, they ran into other cars that were also on the road. Kamek tired to dodge all of them at the last minute. Causing a few vehicles to swerve off the road and earning a few angry honks.

"Kamek." Ludwig said, "You better slow down."

"Why?"

Everyone in the car suddenly perked up in surprise when they heard police sirens behind them. After some difficulty, Kamek managed to pull over to the side of the ride. A toad dressed up like a highway police officer approached them. After going through all the questioning and D.U.I. tests, which earned Kamek a few snickers from the koopalings inside, he was given a ticket for reckless driving and endangerment to other drivers. As soon as the officer was gone, Kamek looked at the ticket and a look of sheer horror was plastered on his face once he saw the fine he had to pay.

"Don't worry." Ludwig assured him. "I King Dad usually pays those for me."

Kamek narrowed his eyes before stuffing the ticket into his pocket while mumbling angrily to himself. In a matter of minutes they were back on the road. Kamek was right about being a fast learner, and was soon driving as though he'd been doing it for years. But that didn't mean the drive itself was smooth sailing.

"I'm bored!" Larry complained.

"Me too!" Junior whined.

Soon every koopaling in the back was complaining about how bored they were. "Well what do you want me to do?" Kamek asked as he tried to concentrate on the road.

"Put on some music or somethin'." Roy said.

"And make sure it's good music." Wendy added as she stared at her faint reflection in the window. Getting a few looks from passing vehicles.

"I know some good music." Ludwig said before he switched on the radio and turned to his favorite radio station.

"_And now we return to some classical music; by Mozart._" a cool voice said through the speakers. Quickly followed by very old fashioned piano music. Ludwig closed his eyes and smiled as he swayed side-to-side in his seat to the music. For a full minute the car was filled with silence.

"BOOOOOORIIIIIIIING." Roy drawled loudly. Breaking the brief, serene, silence. "Put on some Rock 'n Roll or somethin'." the koopaling said as he leaned forward from his seat to change stations. Ludwig snapped his eyes open and glared at his brother.

"_Oi_! I was listening to that!"

"Yeah, yeah, you sissy." Roy shrugged it off before flashing a toothy grin when he finally reached his favorite station.

"_Up next is Through the Fire and Flames by DragonForce; requested by Toadsworth._"

At that moment, guitar and drum music started to blast from the speakers. "Now you're talkin'!" Roy said as he headbanged to the music while everyone else covered their ears.

"IT'S TOO LOUD!" Wendy complained. Iggy jumped forward from his seat and silently switched to another station.

_Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy_

_(Hey, what up girl?)_

_Grab up my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city_

"YAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Junior cheered in his seat. "I love this song!"

"Goooood for you." Ludwig rolled his eyes.

"Put on some Justin Timberlake!" Wendy yelled. "This song sucks!"

"I wanna hear that let it go song from _Frozen_!" Larry said as he reached forward to change the station.

"Screw _Frozen_!" Morton said. "I wanna hear some Big Time Rush!" He then reached forward as well.

"I wanna hear Krewella!" Lemmy said before joining his brothers.

"I want to hear some damn LMFAO!" Iggy yelled.

Soon the entire back of the car erupted into mayhem as every koopaling tried to reach their way over to the radio in the front. All yelling out the name of the artists they wanted to hear. One even yelling out JB. Kamek, was nearing his breaking point, finally used his magic to force everyone back.

"Enough!" he screeched as he switched the radio off. "There will be no radio music for the rest of this trip! Are we clear?"

"Yes, Kamek." the koopalings said in unison.

"Good." Kamek nodded before turning back to the road.

A good half hour had past without incident before Junior casually looked out the window and spotted a McDonald's sign up ahead. It was then that he realized that none of them had any breakfast before they left. He was a very hungry koopa right now... "I want McDonald's!" he yelled.

"No." Kamek replied bluntly.

"But I'm HUUUUUUUUUUNGRYYYYYYYYY!" Junior whined.

"I said no." Kamek repeated. He then grunted when he was suddenly jerked forward. Causing his forehead to hit the horn.

"I-want-Mc-DONALD'S!" Junior screeched as he kicked the back of Kamek's seat.

"I want McDonald's, too!" Lemmy yelled.

"Me too!" Wendy added. Followed by the others.

Kamek finally sighed in defeat and made a turn over to the McDonald's. Then the came to a stop at the menu and a female voice spoke through the speaker box.

"Hi. Welcome to McDonald's. How may I serve?"

"Alright, who wants a Happy Meal?" Ludwig asked.

"I do! I do! I do!" the koopalings replied in unison.

"I want a cheeseburger." Roy said.

"I want chicken nuggets." Lemmy said.

"I want apple fries!" Larry said.

"That's in Burger King, dumbass." Roy said.

"Roy Koopa! Watch your language!" Kamek scolded.

"Sir?" the lady asked through the box.

"Hold on, hold on. These kids can't make up their mind." Kamek replied.

"Just order four hamburger Happy Meals and three chicken nugget happy meals." Ludwig said.

_Several minutes later_

Kamek and the group were quickly back on the after a rather awkward moment at the pick up window. The koopalings were temporarily satisfied with their meals while Ludwig and Kamek choose not to eat anything. Since they refuse to eat any fast-food. But they did wish that they would make less noise when they eat.

"Morton!" Wendy snapped when her brother accidentally spilled a bit of soda on her.

"Sowwy." Morton replied with his mouth full.

"Yay! I got a toy!" Larry said happily once he finished his nuggets and fries.

"May I see that?" Roy asked politely.

"Uh... Sure." Larry replied before giving him his toy. Without a word, Roy sat back down in his seat and dropped the toy in his own box. "Hey!" Larry snapped while his brother snickered.

"Pssp. Hey. Hey, Junior." Iggy whispered as he leaned over to his baby brother.

Junior swallowed his burger before looking over to his brother. "What?" he replied.

"Have you ever heard of Two Girls, One Cup?" his demented brother asked with a snicker.

Plagued with childish innocence, Junior shook his head in reply. "No. What's it about?"

Iggy giggled and whispered it in his ear. He then quickly jerked away when he saw the sick look that now covered his brother's face. Without warning, Junior suddenly reached over and vomited in Lemmy's box. Iggy erupted into loud fits of laughter.

"EWWWWWW!" Lemmy said in disgust. "Kamek! Junior puked all over my food!"

"So I've heard..." the magikoopa mumbled. After stopping at a gas station to fix the entire mess, and use the toilet since nobody went before they left, the gang was quickly back on the road. Surprisingly, the entire gang was silent. But all of that quickly changed once Larry, bored out of his mind, decided to reach over and poke Junior.

"What?" Junior asked when he felt him poke his arm.

"Nooooothing." Larry replied innocently.

Junior eyed him suspiciously before turning back to the window. In a split second, he felt him poke his arm again and quickly snapped his head over to his brother. "Stop it!" he yelled.

"Stop what?" Larry replied. Acting as though he did nothing.

"Stop poking me! This isn't Facebook you know!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Larry crossed his arms and causally looked away.

Junior growled in frustration and looked away as well. But using the window as a mirror, he caught Larry reaching out to him. A mischievous expression present on his face. Junior reeled around, catching Larry by surprise. "AH HA!" he yelled before removing his seatbelt and lunging at his brother.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Larry screamed as his baby brother attempted to claw out his eyes.

"Knock it off back there, you two." Kamek snapped.

"HE STARTED IT!" Junior and Larry protested in unison.

"I don't care what started it! I'll finish it!" Kamek screeched back.

_3 hours later..._

Relief swept over Kamek and Ludwig as they finally reached their destination: the supermarket. They would've gotten here _sooner _if they didn't have to deal with others in the back. After finding a parking space close by, they were all finally able to get out of that claustrophobic space.

"Ooogh. My legs feel funny." Roy said as he struggled to stand without squatting down.

"That's because you were in a car for almost five hours." Ludwig replied. Not complaining about the numb feeling in his legs. "Come on. Let's just get this milk and go home. King Dad's probably wondering where the hell we all are."

"I wouldn't worry too much." Kamek said. "Knowing him he's probably still asleep. He can be a heavy sleeper at times."

...

Mario and Luigi stood by the side of Bowser's large bed. Watching the Koopa King as he continued to sleep soundly. Snoring loud enough to cause the entire room to vibrate slightly.

Luigi looked over to his brother with a clueless expression. "... Should we, uh, wake him up?" he asked.

Mario looked up at Luigi and then back at Bowser. "Nah." he replied.

...

"Oooooooooh." the koopalings said once they entered the large supermarket. Gazing at all of the shelves and products in glistening awe. It wasn't everyday they were allowed into a public building. Especially what happened to the local shopping store. Those poor puppies...

"Now don't go running off, you guys." Ludwig said sternly. "We don't want to end up in a similar situation like last time." he added while narrowing his eyes at Lemmy.

"What?" Lemmy replied. "It tried to take my ball."

"And don't go begging for anything you might like. We only came here for the milk and that's it." Kamek added sternly. "Now. Are we clear?" The koopalings nodded. "Good. Now let's go to the dairy aisle."

"Just one question." Roy suddenly asked. "Where _is _the dairy aisle?"

Kamek perked up at the question. "It's..." he turned around and looked up at the many signs hanging from the ceiling. "Umm... Er... There!" he said. Pointing a finger over to the sign labeled "Dairy products". "It's way in the...back." his voice trailed off from there. In the back. In the way, way back. Of all the places it could've been, it just had to be the back of the store. He knew that they would have to walk through the many different aisles of fragile jars, and breakable boxes filled with food. One slip, and it could all come tumbling down like dominos. Braving the daring journey ahead of them, the gang made their way through the store.

"Kamek? Hey, Kamek?" Larry asked while tugging on Kamek's sleeve.

"Yes?" Kamek replied calmly.

"I see some candy up ahead. Can I get some? Pleeeeeeeeeease?" he asked with big puppy eyes.

"No." Kamek replied. "We didn't come here for candy. We came here for milk and that's that."

"But I want caaaaaaaandyyyyyyy!" Larry then whined.

"Next time bring your own money to buy some!"

"Hmph!" Larry, acting like an immature child, stomped a head with the others.

"Kids these days..." the magikoopa sighed to himself.

Behind them, Iggy suddenly came to a stop when he noticed a red forklift sitting all by itself with the keys still in the ignition slot. Feeling a bit mischievous, he reached out and stopped Lemmy from continuing. "Lemmy!" he said happily. "What?" the younger koopaling replied. Iggy gestured to the forklift with a toothy grin. Lemmy looked up at his brother with a mischievous, gleeful expression. They both snickered.

After a couple more minutes of seemingly endless walking, the gang FINALLY reached the dairy products. "THERE IT IS!" Kamek gasped happily when he saw the milk brand they use in the freezer. Whether he was hallucinating or not, he could've sworn he saw a sparkling aura around it. Without wasting any more time, he immediately scurried over and snatched up the last jug. The magikoopa then held the milk jug as high as he could like a trophy while the koopalings around him clapped nonchalantly.

"Good for you. Now can we PLEASE go home now?" Roy asked.

"Yes." Kamek nodded. "We can finally go home."

"Well about damn time!" Wendy yelled. Stomping her foot on the floor like the spoiled brat that she is.

Ignoring this, Kamek led the group to the cashier to pay for the milk. As they stood waiting in line, Larry looked around as though was looking for something. "What's wrong?" Junior asked when he noticed this.

"Where's Iggy and Lemmy?" he asked.

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Iggy and Lemmy yelled in unison as they drove the forklift around the store. Purposely knocking down food displays and causing some shoppers to jump out of their way. They were practically leaving a major mess behind. Ludwig and his other siblings watched with amused expressions as they continued to wreck the place while Kamek kept his gaze on the cashier with a wyr smile on his beak.

"Would you kindly place the milk in a paper bag, please?" he said. Hearing someone scream in the background before it was silenced by a loud crashing noise. Followed by some gagging and bones breaking.

"Oh my goodness! Those two boys killed that woman!" someone screamed.

...

Bowser was sitting in the kitchen causally drinking some late evening coffee with the paper in his claws. When he woke up he noticed that the castle was unusually quiet. Too quiet. That, and someone had drawn on his face while he slept. And it was permanent marker, so he had to scrub extra hard just to remove it. He was in the middle of a crossword puzzle when he noticed out of the corner of his eye his children entering the kitchen with a rather exhausted looking Kamek.

"There you guys are!" Bowser said. Slamming his paper onto the island surface. "Where the hell have all of you been all day? And what's with the bag?"

Kamek grunted as he placed the paper bag containing the milk he bought on the island. "We ran out of milk this morning." the magikoopa rasped, "So we went out to buy some. Unfortunately it took much longer than I originally hoped it would take."

"Milk?" Bowser blinked. "Why didn't you just take the extra one from the fridge down in the basement?"

Kamek perked up when he heard this. "F-fridge in the b-basement?" he asked shakely. His right eye twitching behind his glasses.

Bowser nodded. "I always keep one in case of emergencies. But I guess we could use that one for another time since you bought some already." The Koopa King then took the milk out of the bag and placed it in the fridge while Kamek just stood where he was like a statue. "Iggy? Lemmy?" Bowser asked when he saw his boys. "Why are you covered in blood?"

The both of them snickered. "We'll tell you about at dinner." Iggy said as they all left the kitchen. Leaving Ludwig and Kamek.

"Well it looks like we went through all that insanity for nothing." Ludwig said with crossed arms as he watched them leave. He then turned his head over to the magikoopa and noticed that he still wasn't moving. "Kamek?

...

It was a rather pleasant evening in the Koopa Kingdom. The clear sky was red and orange as the sun slowly set itself in the horizon; signaling the end of another day for the Koopa family. Clouds were quickly reclaiming the sky, and hid the stars once more.

For Kamek? Let's just say he won't be traveling again anytime soon.

End... For now ;D

**X.X**

**WOOOOOOOOH! IT'S SUMMER TIME!**

**To any of my A Somber Year readers, please know that I'll get back to working on that as soon as I can. Let's just say I've be into Mario a bit recently...**


End file.
